


rain

by ggumeow



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst and Feels, Depressed Stan Marsh, Depressing, Depression, Gen, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Major Illness, References to Depression, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Teen Angst, literally jjust angst, stan marsh is bad at feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-20
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-29 02:15:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30149199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ggumeow/pseuds/ggumeow
Summary: basically just me projecting into stan, i dont want to write myself, so i just project m feelings when im bad into stan bc i kin him, this is just me venting so dont read this hi but if u want go ahead
Kudos: 3





	rain

numb, and at the same time, he felt like shit, felt like his heart literally broke, his vision was blurred, and he couldn't see right, his whole body ached, he knew it, of course, he was going into a depressive episode _again._

_am i bad person?_

_do i even deserve to be okay?_

_do i deserve to be happy...?_

hands in eyes, carving his eyes, they hurt like hell, 

_crybaby_

stan was stupid, he knew that insulting himself wasn't a good idea, but what could he do about it? he has depression, and he can't control it, it's not his fault, it's definitely not his fault, right? he cried again, it wasn't just small and a few tears, it was raining, stan's eyes were raining, as his heart continues to break, he fell to the pillow, he can't do this anymore, he is losing, he _lost_ , there was nothing he could do, he let everything out in a scream, nobody would care, it's south park, his throat begins to burn, and his eyes too, he can't see anymore, and the pain got him, it was overwhelming, so he believed again, that he could make it through this, but stan knows that is a fucking lie, he just hopes, just for once, to be that 10 year old again, to do stupid shit with his friend, and be happy again, but that is impossible, he just want to feel happiness, comfort, the warmth of love, but he lost, lost interest in everything he liked, avoided his friends for weeks, maybe months, he doesn't even know anymore, his family knows how bad he is, but what could they do? stan was in a dead end, and all he could do was, jumping in it, drowning in his own feelings, suppressing them for weeks, and now here he is, drinking alcohol because is the only way he knows how to cope with the emotional pain, how self-destructive, and stan knows, but doesn't care, relieves him, like a break from everything, just a second of not feeling like shit, is the only way he can cope, stan only knows how to be self destructive, the only thing he is good at, knowing it was bad, so he cries, and he can't stop himself from doing it, was it worth it? was it worth it making him feel bad, god? he just wants a break from everything, he wants to leave everyone behind, even if its sounds selfish, and it is, but he needed that, just feeling nothing, okay.

he wanted to die,

he doesn't want to get better,

he doesn't want to take his fucking antidepressants,

he wants to be in pain, to feel like shit, because he deserves it, right?

he does.

he laughs at himself, pathetic, he has been crying for hours, and his head hurts, he goes to sleep, and hopes he never wakes up again.


End file.
